GGRAAAAAGHHHH WHAT THE FUCK.
There seems to be some newfangled technolology mucking up the streets, leeching off the masses. I didn’t believe it at first! I thought it a cruel joke, a prank, or a vivid nightmare the likes of which would only creep out of my eternally damned subconscious. But no. You revolting pigs are serious when you tell me about “Bluetooth.”
BLUE TOOTH. Even the name is stupid!
It has nothing to do with dentistry, and teeth are never blue except for after some sugary confection, leaving your mouth riddled with artificial dyes! An image of sloppy, filthy childish behaviour is not the best one to evoke when you want to promote sophisticated technology! WHY am I even EXPLAINING this it should be SELF FUCKING EVIDENT. You backwards retards, TRY USING YOUR ATROPHIED MINDS FOR ONCE.
According to your soiled historical documents, this infernal infestation of wireless communication was apparently named after Harald Bluetooth Gormson, or Harald I of Denmark, a king in the late 10th century. Firstly, WHAT KIND OF NAME IS “HARALD.” A poor facsimile of Harold is what! Stupid fucking Danes! Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NAME IS “BLUETOOTH.” Seriously! WHAT THE FUCK.
“Gormson” is because his father was named Gorm.
Which is a STUPID NAME. Fucking GORM. Honestly!
This king Harald is responsible for uniting unsavoury, filthy tribes in Denmark and Sweden, and for turning them all Christian or something. Flash forward through several centuries of skull-splitting human stupidity and you will find a Danish newspaper infuriating Muslims worldwide. THIS IS DIRECTLY THE FAULT OF HARALD “BLUETOOTH” GORMSON. So go ahead, people, keep talking into your earpieces! You’re going to get BLOWN THE FUCK UP for it!
And as for those headsets! SCHIZOPHRENIA IS NOT FASHIONABLE. Stop fooling the world into thinking you have developed multiple personality disorder! Stop appearing as if you are asking a mop how its day was inside of the desolate walls of the Home Depot! I don’t want to have to wait until you brush your chemically-drenched hair back in order to discover you’re some kind of fucking CYBORG communing with the COLLECTIVE and not just BATSHITE INSANE.
Was it worth it, humans? The money, the research, the resources exhausted in order to convert the regular horrible person into the even more horrible street-crazy? At least those mad individuals were interesting to listen to, despite being threatening and offensive in odor! They spoke of apocalypses and aliens and secret governments run by Jews! But YOU. All you talk about is where you’re going, or where you’re coming from, or OH MY DEAD GOD, YOU’RE HUNGRY. Well, I guess it was worth the trouble! Thousands of years of human achievement, stunted and pathetic as it is, all so you can have your hands free while you TELL YOUR GIRL YOU WANT SOME FUCKING CHICKEN.
“Your girl.” And here I thought you pigs abolished slavery! But things are meaningless unless you can own them, aren’t they? AREN’T THEY!
And this is just one application of this trivial convenience! You slap it onto your modern gods and priests, your holy fucking computers, your laptops of worship. And worst yet? WORST YET? You apparently call these add-on devices “dongles.”
DO I HONESTLY HAVE TO ELABORATE ON HOW FUCKING STUPID THAT WORD IS? Say it out loud. Say it RIGHT NOW. Do you feel that? The disgusting non-corporeal mass polluting your mouth, the feeling of a gorilla’s droppings swishing around your gums, that stink, that burn, that numbness that follows because your nerves cannot handle it and simply commit suicide rather than put up with what you have given them? THAT IS THE FEELING OF SAYING SUCH A STUPID WORD.
GOD FUCK YOU, YOU DEGENERATE, MINDLESS DOLTS.
Don’t you remember the promises you made yourselves, you fucking LIARS? The future! The gadgets, the spaceships, the WONDER AND MAGIC, so sickeningly bright and sweet. And when you begin ramping up towards that future, you systematically fuck it up! Your communication devices are more advanced than anything dreamed up in science fiction movies of the mid-20th century, but you go and give them STUPID FUCKING NAMES. It negates all novelty and achievement! BLUE FUCKING TOOTH. ARE YOU SERIOUS. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, YOU MALFORMED LITTLE JACKASSES. At seemingly almost every turn, you apply your retarded monikers to what should receive the most carefully contemplated titles your foetal brains can collectively compute! Blackberry? Wherein does the connection between mobile communication devices and FRUIT occur? Technology and edible products should never be confused, that line should NEVER be blurred! They are uniquely and wholly separate, you meddling twats! And speaking of mobile devices, what of your “RZR?” You pronounce it like razor (which you should take to your fucking throats!), but you’ve forgotten all your vowels! YOU CANNOT HAVE WORDS WITHOUT VOWELS. You rotting cunts INVENTED the language, and then you turn around and take a whopping shite all over it! It is as if you got bored with the words you created and decided to massacre them for the sheer hell of it! It is plastered all over your messages, be they text, instant, or otherwise “e,” like dung on the walls of a chimpanzee cage! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU’RE STILL APES, TOSSING YOUR LINGUISTIC DROPPINGS ABOUT WITHOUT A FUCKING CARE.
And then there’s the Wii. The fucking Wii.
WORDS FAIL TO EXPRESS WHAT A STUPENDOUS FUCKUP THAT NAME WAS.
GGRRAGAGHHHH!
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